Dear Wives,
On February 26, 2011, I was joined in holy matrimony to the man I was “head over heels” for. That morning was perfect! The memory of that beautiful, vibrant, sunny morning on the lawns of YS Falls, Jamaica still brings a huge grin to my face! It was exactly what I envisioned. As a wedding planner by profession, just imagine...I pulled out ALL THE STOPS to have the perfect day. I convinced the owner of the falls to host the first wedding on his property in more than 30 years of ownership - IT HAD TO BE PERFECT! My besties at the time, Nikki & Tan, shared the vision and worked tirelessly to bring it to life, a unique experience I was adamant to create. They pulled it off!!!!! They emptied themselves that day and “PERFECTION” was achieved. Yes! Our wedding was featured in the May 2011 Issue of "Vows" in the Jamaica Observer on page 2 - it was perfect! It was sweet! It was the talk of the year on the lips of my family members and friends.
Little did I know, I had set up myself! In the eyes of those looking on, a perfect wedding meant a perfect marriage...and I agreed with them. After all, the initial meet was effortless, the courtship was smooth and exciting. My husband is jovial, funny, and gets along well with EVERYBODY. The wedding was a hit. What could possibly go wrong from here? I literally asked Nikki & Tan one day, “What in the world could Ivor & I find to argue about?” I was stumped - I COULD NOT FATHOM IT!
THE DUST SETTLES
By May of that year, two and a half [2 1/2] months later, the wedding was over, and it was time for marriage. Frightening for me because I was not aware that the two [wedding and marriage] were completely separate. Life started happening and I was neither mentally, emotionally nor spiritually equipped.
Now, let me just pause here... So, you bought this expensive device or piece of equipment. It’s lovely to use and works perfectly for you but two months in, the device starts malfunctioning, what do you do?
A) Start diagnosing the problem yourself
B) Open the item and start tampering with it
C) Call your best friend, closest family member or coworker
D) Get hold of the manual and or make a phone call to the place of purchase
This is not a graded piece, so be honest with your answer. You really could have chosen to do A-C, which perhaps would have yielded some form of temporary results but there is just one safe, responsible, wise answer, D. You seek counsel from the manufacturer.
In May 2011, when life started to unfold, I blundered, I chose the wrong answer (that was a graded piece), and I failed. I failed to get down on my knees, I failed to cry out to God, I failed to delve into prayer and fasting. I DID NOT KNOW TO CONSULT THE MANUFACTURER! The manufacturer of me, the manufacturer of my husband, the one who instituted marriage and importantly, the one who sanctioned us getting together in marriage.
Yes, I sought of the Lord, and he approved the union! See, I was raised by a ‘praying mother’ where 1 John 5:14-15 was practiced. Even if I didn’t pray about getting married, my mom would certainly fast, pray, call up her prayer partners and get into some serious prayer about the will of the Lord for her third [3rd] child. And so, she did! Imagine me, biting my nails, rubbing my knuckles, losing sleep, awaiting the answer from the Lord through Sis Bethune. She was that one church sister who was endowed with the gift of discernment.
SHE DOESN’T MISS!!! The answer finally came few days later, “The Lord is pleased”.
"Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him". [1 John 5:14-15].
CAUGHT OFF GUARD
‘God is for this marriage so therefore nothing can go wrong’ was my position. Thankful and comfortable that I sought the Lord, and he approved. I was ready to hit the auto pilot button. I remembered speaking with a co-worker in the weeks leading up to my wedding - she was married for a few years. She said, “marriage is hard work!”, and oh, did I give her a lecture. I asked if she sought the Lord before, I told her she may be with the wrong partner. I believed that if God be for your marriage, half the work is already done. AUTOMATICALLY! There can’t be that much left to do...
My guard was down and in May 2011, I was caught off guard! Literally! If I had any knowledge that things would go wrong, perhaps I would have been prepared. Simply put, I would have been armed with some kind of a plan. While growing up, I’ve often heard the Jamaican phrase, “teeth and tongue will meet” but never understood the meaning. I ruled myself out from it because I thought, I’m with my ‘chosen’ partner and if I did or said the right things, I’ll be exempt! Furthermore, I am not quarrelsome, so my "teeth and tongue" would never meet.
Join me in series No. 2, as I share how I navigated my journey from the perfect wedding day into the realities of marriage, without God at the center.
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